It’s the Eve of New Years Eve as I sit on Bumble & Tinder swiping who I may want to ring in the New Years with a bang with, no really! Before you judge who I shamelessly decide to hook up with for pure fun lets rewind back to the time in my life where I was deprived of all things lively & fun, a time I like to call “Marriage”!
Before you completely categorize me as some man-eater there was a time I truly did believe I would be on my third child and hopelessly in love by now but the cards didn’t fall in my favor for my happily ever after at least not with him. Theres something satisfying about packing your bags and leaving a 5 year marriage that was nothing but lies, manipulation and full of tearing each other down for pure fun. Sounds like fun right? Well enough was enough for me and I left and never turned back, well maybe once but clearly I was in a state of insanity. I was this perfect housewife for this asshole I like to call my husband. He had the life, a home cooked meal after a long day of work everyday, a clean house, a wife to suck his dick whenever he wanted and continuous support! Every guys dream, right? I could write a fucking book on his narcissistic ass but it would only boost his ego even more then it already is. Sometimes I play the pity card of why I got dealt this bad hand of a marriage but the truth is you have to own up to your own life and what you put into this world and what you take and unfortunately I took his shit for one day longer then I should have and that’s on me! I strived to make my marriage work as most people do but it was like going through a revolving door no one wanted to take the first leap out, we were both waiting for the other person to admit their wrong doing first so we could then bow our heads and say “Thank You for your fake apology” and begin fighting again! I felt emotionally deprived of love and affection and he felt deprived of support which to this day I still disagree with but regardless we felt we were missing something from one another!
After I left that marriage it was truly a new chapter full of “What the hell am I doing” half of the time! I felt like a bird let out of my cage for the first time I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I admit I was a little apprehensive on how I was gonna move on. I remember getting on a dating app to fill this void of feeling completely alone. I was so pessimistic on finding this “amazing man” who was gonna sweep me off my feet and run off in the sunset and get married. Laugh it off, really I would’ve to if I heard the old me! Dating in 2016 is full of false expectations and showing no feelings once so ever, to be actually interested in someone is like a game of Duck, Duck, Goose find someone you like and then run from them to chase you and then the game starts over and over again! Like the wise Miss Sweet Brown says “Aint nobody got time for that!” I have to admit the attention boosted my ego and made me feel well quite honestly important although I now know it was guys just being charming to only mind fuck you into thinking “Could this be something more” to only be let down the next day after having meaningless sex! I continued to have this hope that the next person would not be the same and that I would be better at reading signals and yet somehow I continued to become prey of over masculine guys who knew how to play the game way better then I did! I was this sweet innocent woman who thought love was only one right swipe away (insert laughing emoji face)! But I have to admit dating multiple people and going on continuous dates was sort of satisfying. The whole no strings attached was actually starting to work for me and quite honestly this bullshit notion of thinking I had to be in a relationship to be happy was starting to distinguish itself and thats ladies and gentleman when I stopped giving an actual fuck of what people thought how I should live my life!
Casual sex shouldnt feel like a taboo and according to Cosmo its good for your health haha! I’ve had some of the best sex of my life from a complete stranger now of course I must say always make safe decisions and always be safe aka condoms, STD’s have no discrimination. But stop giving a fuck about what people think about your dating lifestyle last I checked you’re the adult with your own personal needs and trust me we all got them! I know my thinking is a little unorthodox but I believe I’m in a season of my life thats totally selfish and figuring out who I am. I’m hoping this blog will help me sort out my so called crazy life and add a little humor to your day! Stay tuned for crazy stories that will surely either make you never want to read my blog again or get you fiercely excited to live vicariously through my life!
XOXO Saint Vix 😘