Quarter Life Crisis

So I’ve been away from the blogging world for a bit and I blame it on the winter blues completely but really life has gotten the better half of me lately but I’m so more starting to wonder if I’m going through a quarter life crisis. Pathetic, right? I seem to not know what I want out of life nowadays and reminiscing on where I thought I would be by now. I’m sure this is a normal thing to experience my age but none the less still miserable and did I say pathetic already?!

“And the only one winning is the Pinot Grigio”

It all started around the holidays when the realization that I would be spending the holidays with my parents rather than a significant other hit me. Luckily I was able to Tinder some hottie while on vacation and be irresponsible none the less. I must’ve made some impression because he stills calls (bugs) me. Ehhh what do I care at least I can be flattered that he still thinks of me. In other news I quit my job well sorta I slashed my hours to basically nothing and focusing on my family aka quarter life crisis! Yeah, my work is awesome although after all this time off I don’t think it even matters I’ve decided to explore other entrepreneurial options or whatever bullshit you want to call it basically I want to be a hippy and live off Gods green earth and sing Kumbayah…. if you haven’t caught on to my humor yet that would be a joke but really I’m in this awkward stage of “Do I go left or right?” and meanwhile I’m sitting with my bottle of wine deciphering what path to take and the only one winning is the Pinot Grigio!

“I had been officially ghosted.”

Well Valentines Day is two bloody days away and I’m literally with the decision to make whether I want to babysit or hang out with my casual boyfriend and ridicule myself over the fact that we aren’t exclusive and probably never will be! I suppose I owe some sort of clarity to mystery man. I met mystery man on the most trust worthy dating site known to man… Tinder! He was witty and made an impression not like most and it intrigued me and drew me in. He asked me out for dinner and it went surprisingly well and we hit it off almost immediately as dinner ended we were not even close to calling it a night we headed across the street to a nearby bar that was playing live music. We proceeded to talk over drinks and get closer to each other so we could hear each other over the band playing “Send Me On My Way” as we lipped the lyrics to one another. Maybe it was the drinks but we were radiating closer to each other throughout the night and we got close enough to almost kiss but not quite. As we both decided it was time to leave we left the back of the bar and almost immediately grabbed one another to kiss. Well the kissing soon led us back to his place and “WOW” does not even describe how amazing our night was and HELL YES it was the most amazing sex I’ve ever had it was wild but so intimate at the same time. As the next couple of days went on we began to see each other more and days turned into weeks and we began seeing each other less but still talking daily. I was convinced we were in the midst of blossoming into a relationship  I had begun to develop real feelings for this man and then BAM he was gone! I’d had been officially ghosted. If you have never heard the term ghosted before please educate yourself on this new dating phenomenon.

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This is the ultimate bitch move you can make as a human, just saying! Whether this is the easy way out of saying I’m not interested but I’m to much of a coward let me rephrase that to much of a pussy to tell you I’m no longer interested in seeing you anymore or you mysteriously dropped your phone in the ocean while deep sea fishing and lost all your contacts, true story! Whatever the excuse is it’s a shitty way to go about it. So I moved on with my life and went on my holiday vacation where I met Tinder vacation hottie and indulged and spent the following weeks deciphering my life when BOOM I get a text from low and behold mystery man. In his text he apologized to me and didn’t expect me to respond but none the less he wrote out a lengthy apology. I suppose my curiosity got the best out of me and I responded and wanted the details as to the question all of us ghostees’ ask ourselves “WHY?”! He began making excuses as to how stressed with work he was and life and just shut down essentially but now he’s turned a new leaf and is much happier or hornier as I would like to say! Of course I knew it was a bad idea to even entertain the idea of speaking to him again but I seem to like making irresponsible decisions these days so I suppose I can always fall back and blame it on my quarter life crisis dilemma. Well so we began talking again which led to sleeping with each other again and we started having petty little fights like a real couple and then we would make up and have sex and all is fair in love and war right?

So here I lay here and wonder where did I steer wrong and why the hell did I end up in the desert without any fucking compass as to where I should go and as I walk I start to see this mirage to this image I have for myself this happiness that seems so close but yet so far away and I starve for it but then the mirage is over and I’m back in my car with sex hair and bad breath and I head home!

Well so here it is 2 days before Valentines Day so I suppose life is really like a box of chocolate as good ole Gump would say you never know what you’re gonna get!

Happy Valentines Day to my single bitches!

XOXO Saint Vix

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Rule #28 Stop Giving Actual Fucks

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It’s the Eve of New Years Eve as I sit on Bumble & Tinder swiping who I may want to ring in the New Years with a bang with, no really! Before you judge who I shamelessly decide to hook up with for pure fun lets rewind back to the time in my life where I was deprived of all things lively & fun, a time I like to call “Marriage”!

Before you completely categorize me as some man-eater there was a time I truly did believe I would be on my third child and hopelessly in love by now but the cards didn’t fall in my favor for my happily ever after at least not with him. Theres something satisfying about packing your bags and leaving a 5 year marriage that was nothing but lies, manipulation and full of tearing each other down for pure fun. Sounds like fun right? Well enough was enough for me and I left and never turned back, well maybe once but clearly I was in a state of insanity. I was this perfect housewife for this asshole I like to call my husband. He had the life, a home cooked meal after a long day of work everyday, a clean house, a wife to suck his dick whenever he wanted and continuous support! Every guys dream, right? I could write a fucking book on his narcissistic ass but it would only boost his ego even more then it already is. Sometimes I play the pity card of why I got dealt this bad hand of a marriage but the truth is you have to own up to your own life and what you put into this world and what you take and unfortunately I took his shit for one day longer then I should have and that’s on me! I strived to make my marriage work as most people do but it was like going through a revolving door no one wanted to take the first leap out, we were both waiting for the other person to admit their wrong doing first so we could then bow our heads and say “Thank You for your fake apology” and begin fighting again! I felt emotionally deprived of love and affection and he felt deprived of support which to this day I still disagree with but regardless we felt we were missing something from one another!

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After I left that marriage it was truly a new chapter full of “What the hell am I doing” half of the time! I felt like a bird let out of my cage for the first time I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I admit I was a little apprehensive on how I was gonna move on. I remember getting on a dating app to fill this void of feeling completely alone. I was so pessimistic on finding this “amazing man” who was gonna sweep me off my feet and run off in the sunset and get married. Laugh it off, really I would’ve to if I heard the old me! Dating in 2016 is full of false expectations and showing no feelings once so ever, to be actually interested in someone is like a game of Duck, Duck, Goose find someone you like and then run from them to chase you and then the game starts over and over again! Like the wise Miss Sweet Brown says “Aint nobody got time for that!” I have to admit the attention boosted my ego and made me feel well quite honestly important although I now know it was guys just being charming to only mind fuck you into thinking “Could this be something more” to only be let down the next day after having meaningless sex! I continued to have this hope that the next person would not be the same and that I would be better at reading signals and yet somehow I continued to become prey of over masculine guys who knew how to play the game way better then I did! I was this sweet innocent woman who thought love was only one right swipe away (insert laughing emoji face)! But I have to admit dating multiple people and going on continuous dates was sort of satisfying. The whole no strings attached was actually starting to work for me and quite honestly this bullshit notion of thinking I had to be in a relationship to be happy was starting to distinguish itself and thats ladies and gentleman when I stopped giving an actual fuck of what people thought how I should live my life!

Casual sex shouldnt feel like a taboo and according to Cosmo its good for your health haha! I’ve had some of the best sex of my life from a complete stranger now of course I must say always make safe decisions and always be safe aka condoms, STD’s have no discrimination. But stop giving a fuck about what people think about your dating lifestyle last I checked you’re the adult with your own personal needs and trust me we all got them! I know my thinking is a little unorthodox but I believe I’m in a season of my life thats totally selfish and figuring out who I am. I’m hoping this blog will help me sort out my so called crazy life and add a little humor to your day! Stay tuned for crazy stories that will surely either make you never want to read my blog again or get you fiercely excited to live vicariously through my life!

XOXO Saint Vix 😘